I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
