last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I lost the right to judge tonight
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
