I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you didnt know i had herpes?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
