She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize