i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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