My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
