I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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