last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
