how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
