I CAN MOONWALK!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
