You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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