Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
