im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
