there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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