I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
