i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
