last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
