I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sober January is a disaster.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
