yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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