the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I need moral support for this bender
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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