oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
