How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
