he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
