I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
