I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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