I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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