we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
