At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
