how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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