YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
