I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
