its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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