are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
