Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
