Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
