this just has baby written all over it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
