Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
