Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
