the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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