At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
