I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am mentally ready for anal.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
