she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
well you can't waste a boner
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
