Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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