I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
