If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
