I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
