Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
