at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
