Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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