It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This is the high leading the old right now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
