did you get engaged???
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
