he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
