On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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