Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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