I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
