this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
