We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
