i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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