Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
