After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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