I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
