Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
