who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
