So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
