no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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