dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
