By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
