I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
