True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
