His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My pussy is not your playground.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
