I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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