we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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