I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
