I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
