Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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